oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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