I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
