Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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