I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
