Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
