shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
