My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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