remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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