Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
