your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
