Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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