remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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