I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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