Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
