we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ruined the universe
Randomize
