Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
