I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
