Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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