So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
