pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
