tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
