I could have mohawked her pubes.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
