you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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