Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
