she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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