I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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