ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
