im drinking this country out of the recession.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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