dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
