I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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