She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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