I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
