if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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