Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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