well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize