You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
