i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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