If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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