man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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