You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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