now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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