i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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