So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
