Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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