Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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