i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize