The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
