Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
