If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
