this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
