You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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