Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
