I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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