pop tarts are not kleenex
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
