It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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