i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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