Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
