My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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