I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
