Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
