The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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