come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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