I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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