well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
