I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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