We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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