walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
