Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
