dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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