please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
