Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
