I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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