Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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