Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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